Sunday, March 22, 2009

Tomorrow I will be 19, officially. This birthday holds a stronger symbolism than any I've had in years-more than my 18th, surely, which is traditionally among the most important. The girl I was a year ago was weaker, dependent, and confused about herself and those around her. The girl I am now is secure within herself, strong, and falling in love with the world around her at her own pace.

Lately I've felt unstoppable. And the improvements bring only good things. The hope that fills me on days as sunny as these is inexplicable. I feel warmth glide from space through time and under my skin, pumping me to the brim with optimism.

I wanted a happy post for this blog. It's been a carrier of all my demons over the past months and deserved a small brightening, for I am not constantly conflicted as this page would make it seem.

In truth, without giving too much detail, I am very very glad.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Self Portrait, 19 years.
I feel more prepared and anxious to set out on the next chapter of my life than ever before.

I am ready. But I feel as if by walking toward everything that kept me away, I'm leaving behind what I cared for most deeply when I hoped I'd be brought closer to it. I'm going to keep moving forward, and fight the constant wish to look back. Acceptance that some things must end where they never even started will come.

The process of weeding out.